Seriously, each and every one of you. Take a 1200mm lens and ram it right up your own ass, please. You can start with the camera end, but make sure you work it around real good while it’s in there, because then you’ll start to get an idea of how you’re reaming the rest of us. And Walmart too–all you guys can just sit and spin.

I tried to let it go. I counted to ten. I even took a walk around the neighborhood. But this is really bugging me. Who are these guys that become professional photographers? Because they’re a whole new level of prick than most of the cynical “professionals” I’ve had to deal with.

Hey, camera jerks! Remember when you used to have to get a talent release from the subject of a photograph, you parasitic fucks? Those sure were the bad old days, huh? Now you’re riding this wave of intellectual property insanity right into the new millennium, aren’t you, you money-grubbing bastards? You ever hear of “work for hire,” you mental midgets? I was already never going to use one of you feckless morons again in my life, but now I’m going to make it my personal crusade to inform people about the need for a complete release of photographer’s copyright attached to any contract for services, and to dissuade people from using the services of any photographer who doesn’t offer this up front.

And just for the record, the very first thing I did when I got the CDs of my wedding pictures–which I had to fight and argue to get the photographer to agree to provide, of course–was copy them, and then copy them again onto one master CD, and then take that to Costco and have them run off two prints of each. I think I’ll go do it again right now, just for the hell of it, just in case you can’t feel me stabbing my middle fingers into both your eyes. So take that, you greedy shits.