category: internet rumor

gene: originally from the French, the basic unit of DNA
nal-: variant of nail, as in “to fuck with”

Yeah, so it turns out that Nalgene bottles cause brain damage. Whoops! Or maybe they don’t. It’s so hard to say. But something’s gonna get ya. Could be the water. Or the bacteria. Or the extra toxins accumulated during exercise due to increased respiration rate in urban pollution.

But I’m pretty sure I know what will kill you: not drinking water and not exercising. Still, I think I’ll start looking for a glass water bottle for my mountain bike. That ought to be much safer.