We're Done. Time to Make Room for the Next Species
I think this represents the absolute pinacle of human evolution.Asking a convenience store clerk to use a microwave oven to warm a fake penis full of real urine in order to pass a drug test resulting in a call to 911 and a guilty plea against a disorderly conduct charge? If you somehow cast Scarlett Johansson, Charlton Heston and Samuel L. Jackson in an Peabody award-winning short, animated music video about this you would have perfectly encapsulated the last 30 years of the American Experience. The fact that the defense attorney is named "Difenderfer...............................................................
I'm sorry, that sound you just heard--that of a perfectly-balanced Shure cartridge drawn violently across the grain of a vintage white vinyl White Album with the volume cranked to 11--that was all my gestalt circuit breakers tripping with Tesla arcs of irony and zeitgeist. Check back with me tomorrow, when hopefully I will have awakened as an ascended cyborg.
posted by Rich @ 9/15/2006 12:05:00 AM
2 Comments:
doesn't that article say that Leslye Creighton, later referred to as "she," planned to use the fake penis with warmed urine to pass a drug test? Wouldn't a woman sporting a penis that dispensed urine of temps ranging from 75-140 degrees arouse suspicion? I have reread this and it just gets worse each time.
... and, why would the convenience store clerk, after identifying the object as a penis and notifying the police, still proceed to microwave it?
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